I grew up thinking I was responsible for the anger, happiness or general emotional state of anyone within 100 miles of me.  This made me overly concerned with others and I totally dismissed MY personal feelings, thoughts or desires.  Fortunately, as an adult I learned this was not necessarily the state of the world and I could just forget about feeling that I need to "make" someone feel anything.  Instead I can just focus on my internal dialogue and make adjustments as appropriate.  Generally this is the case, but every now and again some of that old stinkin' thinkin' rares its head and I get sucked into being co-dependent until I see the light and manage to pull myself back.  I've found that when I was so overly concerned with others, it was like I put out an IOU in that I expected the same from them which of course never happened.  Today when I am staying "inside my own skin" I find I can interact with others and not take on their causes or issues.  And life is more balanced for me.  Yes, becoming a fiftyish diva does have its advantages.